#rollyn writing

[byrdstrolls]

Wherefore Art Thou Rollyn

The last beams of sunlight drip their colors onto the sea like wax splatters off a candle. The waves carry the fragile slices of a discordant and violent light over their waves, rocking them to sleep like a cradle. Clouds stalk the edges of the horizon, reaching towards the last embers of the far off sun as if moving to smother the celestial being in slow motion. On the balcony, the young troll stares at his namesake. 

Grief is a funny thing. He had imagined it so far behind him, but he never lost it. It’s a pursuit predator. It was waiting for him to tire himself out. To pause. The manor on the upper hills had many balconies. The troll standing upon it had many manors. But he chose this one for a reason. Lately, Sunset’s therapist has been telling him to allow himself to feel his emotions. And so, as futile and clinical as he found the practice, he had begun to work hours into his night scheduled specifically for feeling things. He had woken up and thought, okay, I have an hour before work. This is when I want to mourn losing Rollyn. That was one of many griefs, but at the forefront of his mind in the past months, after everything that had happened. He had stared at his bedroom wall for a long time, only to find his emotions weren’t playing fair. His mind was full of other things. Every other hour of the night the thought of her consumed him except for the hour he has specifically set aside. 

Alright, Sunset had told himself. If his heart wouldn’t play fair, neither would he. And so he came here. She had come to this specific balcony many times, later in the relationship. One night he had wrongfully assumed she, well, couldn’t actually fly with her wings, simply on the basis she never seemed to in public. From that point forward, they had been determined to prove him wrong, despite flying this high often triggering their asthma. She would show up on the fifth floor of this place just to prove she could. He had taken to keeping an inhaler for her in the dresser drawer, just in case. Now, staring at the empty place on the railing she had often landed like something from a fairytale, he felt sad. He felt triumph on outwitting his emotions like this, before he remembered winning just meant feeling terrible. 

Only forty five minutes of sadness. He better milk this for all its worth. He had no time to be miserable later. Let’s not pull any punches, he thinks. 

Rollyn wanted to not care if you died. He thinks. If you died right now Rollyn would feel only relief and she wanted that. He thinks, cruel to himself in the way only he alone could be. 

You could die now, and no one would mourn you, because no one could stand remembering you. No one could bear the burden of knowing you. What is there about you worth keeping? 

The last few beams of light are vanishing into the ocean. Sunset's thoughts bury in him like seeds, rooting him to the spot. There's something cathartic about talking to himself like this, the way he knows he's not supposed to. The monologue runs on loops in his head, and everytime it passes through him, part of him dies with it. The manor’s proximity alarm goes off, and he turns back towards the inside of the building, confused and mildly annoyed at the interruption midway through his sadness hour. 

Suddenly a full force slams into him with a thud, and Sunset falls to the ground, pressed there by who had just collided with him, wind knocked out of his lungs. He takes a moment to process what has just happened, because it's so difficult for him to believe. Rollyn Firlyn has landed on his balcony, and she has a baseball bat. He stills his hands from where they instinctively raise to defend himself, not wanting to hurt her, but his ex seems to be making no such reservations. She slams the bat into his head. They’re wheezing and panting, worn out from flying over, and not a particularly skilled fighter. 

“Ow” He barely manages before they wack him on the head again. The man deduces she's not here to talk, she’s clearly just trying to knock him out. He makes a strategic decision to close his eyes. 

“Rollyn-Ow!” He says, interrupted by another badly timed wack. “Rollyn, before you knock me out” He insists, raising his hands in surrender. As he watches her struggle to breathe as she tries to beat him. 

“Rollyn, the black dresser, second drawer, your inhaler” He manages. 

This only seems to make her angrier, she slams the bat into him one last time with a frantic yell, before finally conceding she really does need it, stumbling toward the dresser and pulling out the device, pressing it to her face, humiliated. 

Sunset lays perfectly still where she had left him. 

“Don’t move!” She shouts around the inhaler anyways, pointing the bat at him. 

“Okay” He says. 

“How did you have this!” She yells, panicking. “How and why did you have this in your dresser drawer!” 

He squints up at her through what is quickly swelling into a black eye at the disheveled woman in front of him. 

“What do you want me to say?” 

“The truth! Why did you keep this!” They say, their voice cracking over the shout. 

“I don’t know,” He mumbles. “The way a hopeless romantic does when he thinks there's a millionth of a chance the love of his life might show up on his balcony.”

This is apparently the wrong answer. She pulls the bat back and swings it again. And it really does knock him out this time. 

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Sunset comes to a couple minutes later, in the nearby room, tied to a chair. He wiggles his hands against the duct tape and frowns. There’s something big and heavy around his neck, like a shock collar. A voodoo suppressant, he realizes. Where did she get one of these? They’re hard to come by. His head aches and feels fuzzy and sharp all at once. He's not sure if it's the collar affecting him or he has a concussion. He opens his eyes. Rollyn is sitting in front of him, stray hairs peeking disobediently from her ponytail. She has a gun. 

“Wrong answer…?” He groans. 

“No mindgames” She says. “When Sereni attacked you months ago,” They hiss. “You told her I asked you to get my memories erased. Why?” 

“Because you did” He answers truthfully. 

“Ha!” She barks back. “You knew that would freak me out!” They say, pointing their gun at him. This would be a hilarious way for me to die, Sunset thinks. How come no one else noticed that alarm going off? 

“You knew,” Rollyn rambles, beginning to pace back and forth like a mad woman. “That I’d get so freaked out, wondering why I’d do that- wondering what would make me feel guilty enough to do that- you knew I’d get scared I did something to you! And couldn’t remember it. Well? Was that it? The 3d- 5d-” 

“Don’t say chess” He pleads. 

“Don’t interrupt me!” She says, swerving back around to point the gun at him again. “Was that your whole 5d chess game! You wanted me to come here and ask you what I did?” 

He stares at her. 

“No”

“I said no mind games!” The frazzled woman insists, her eyes wide with fear. 

“Yeah” he says softly. “I heard.” 

“Don’t fuck with me” They command. 

“You thought all that was a trap to bring you here and then you just… came anyways?” Sunset asks. 

Her gaze falters for a second. “You get one chance,” She says. “You get one chance to explain yourself. Tell me the truth. What happened?” 

“If you wanted the truth,” He says. “You wouldn’t have asked me to erase it from your pan.” 

Rollyn fires the gun into the air, as if to prove she’s not fucking around. It works, and Sunset goes still, as if the gravity of the situation has just hit him over his pounding headache

“...okay” He stumbles. “I told you an incredibly vulnerable secret about myself. You and I fell deeply in love. You then got worried I was risking myself too much in my line of work, and asked me to erase everything from that secret onward from your mind so you wouldn’t have to mourn me if I died.” 

“You say that like that's not- some crazy thing you cooked up for months in a lab to say specifically to make me feel terrible and want you back!” They accuse frantically, despite something in their bones knowing this to be true the moment they heard it. 

“Why ask me for the truth,” Sunset says. “If you’ve already decided in your own head what the truth is.” 

“What is it then? This secret that makes me fall madly in love with you?” She huffs, disbelievingly. 

He stares up at her, eyes clouded over with a dangerous storm of pain and hurt and love and acute sorrow. “Oh Rollyn” He breathes. “Why would I tell you that again?” 

She takes this sentence like a spear to the chest. Hearing and understanding the undertone of disappointment and distrust that permeates the final word, a sob rises from her chest. 

“I hate you” They cry, shaking him in his chair. “I’m so confused.” 

“I know.” 

“Fuck you!” 

“If you can’t trust me” He says slowly. “Trust yourself, Rollyn. You wanted not to know this.” 

“I didn’t want this!” She snaps. “I don’t know who that troll who asked you for it was but that girl wasn’t me!” 

“It was you,” He says, dejected. 

“Why should I get punished for her mistakes!” 

“Just because you don’t remember it,” He sighs. “Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” 

“That's not fair” They say, shaking him again. 

“Is it fair to me?” He says. “To break my heart and then tell me it can’t be broken, because you don’t remember breaking it? Do you have any idea how many clients that have pulled the same ‘stop flinching Sunset, I don’t remember hurting you’” 

“It’s not fair” She repeats, like a prayer, tears welling in her eyes. “Why did you do it? Why did you listen to me?” 

“I would have pulled the moons down from the sky,” He says. “If you asked me, Rollyn.” 

“Fuck you” They repeat, sobbing. 

 “Everything okay Sunset?” Enin interrupts, suddenly and jarringly, appearing next to your reflection in the window, and stepping out of it, probably to check on the alarm. The mirror demon stares at the sobbing Rollyn straddling Sunset tied to the chair, unsure how to react to the scene in front of him. 

“Not now Enin,” Sunset pleads, as Rollyn points the gun at him. “Kind of in the middle of something.” 

“You sure you’ve got this handled” He says, staring down the barrel of the gun pointed at him as if it were a particularly interesting bug. 

“Yes!” Sunset insists. “I’m sure.” The mafia boss huffs. “Tell everybody to steer clear of here.” 

“Okayyy” The creature says, disappearing back into the reflection, and then vanishing. 

“I don’t know how long that will hold them off” The mafia boss admits, staring at the spot where he vanished. 

“I wanna know” They say, pointing the gun at your chin. “Fuck what past me said, I want to know the secret.” 

“What if you don’t?” He says, “What if you ask me to do the same thing, all over again.” 

“I won’t” They insist. 

“Why would I believe you?” Sunset says. 

“I promise” She pleads, like that means something. He had seen such promises turn to paper so many times. Crumbling under the weight of things people didn’t want to know, didn’t want to feel. 

“You understand that this information will only be a burden to you?” He pleads. “It will only make you feel worse. You didn’t want to know me” He says, his voice cracking. “You hated what you found. I can’t do this again. Don’t make me do this again.” He begs. 

“I won't,” She says, cupping his cheeks. “Please” She pleads. “I wanna remember you Sunset. All of it” 

And he caves, the same way he always caves. 

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Enin enters the room an hour or so later, from that same reflection in the window pane. She’s long gone by then. She had said she needed time to think. Sunset has wiggled out of the duct tape, and is staring at that same night sky that had captivated him so earlier that morning. 

“I had your eight am meeting for you” The shapeshifter says, turning into Sunset and back again for emphasis. 

“Thanks.” The purple says. And then is silent for a long moment.

“Should I go have your 9am too?” Enin asks. “Do you need a recovery buffer?” 

“She’s probably” The purpleblood mumbles. “Bad news, isn’t she.” 

“They did tie you to a chair” The creature replies, cautiously. “And fuck up your face.” 

“The media would have a field day, if they knew,” Sunset says, staring at the lawn. “She’s too much publicity. We couldn’t date again now if we wanted to. We’d have to put up a whole pr front. Or do it in secret. Matise would throw a fit. And I’m so busy right now.” 

“Yeah,” Enin says. “And she tied you to a chair and pointed a gun at you, Sunset.” 

“Yeah.” He says. Watching the waves shimmer in the distance with starlight. He again does not speak. Lost in the way the waves break apart the moons reflected on their surface. It has been a hell of a sadness hour. 

“None of that's going to stop you though, is it?” Eninot guesses. 

Sunset stands up, and immediately runs straight into a nearby wall. 

“Ow” he says. “I think I have a concussion” He says, his hand going to his head, he glances down at the voodoo suppressing collar. “And I need some bolt cutters.”

[byrdtrollsunoreversearchive]

Three Things Rollyn Firlyn Does Not Remember

(teehee, if you want to read the drabble preceding this one, it is here)

Two months into their relationship, Rollyn Firlyn and Sunset Blinks are on a video call in Rollyn’s seemingly endless closet. She holds up a dress so he can see in the camera. 

“Yay or nay” She says. 

“Hmm” He thinks. “Maybe if you swap back to the other bodysuit with it?” He says. 

“It’s coldddd” She complains. “I’m not wearing that.” 

“Not the sleeveless one” he corrects. “The one with the sequins.” 

“Oh” She says, going back to look for the offending bodysuit, and accidentally knocking over her phone. 

“Ow- dammit” She curses, picking it up. 

“Did you drop me?” Sunset jokes. “I broke all my bones.” 

“Sunset, why can’t you just BE here” She voices, gesturing frustratedly. 

“I have work,” he says. 

“This party is kind of important to me” She sighs. 

“So is my work” He replies. 

“Yeah yeah, I know.” She complains. “But we’re doing something important here, the fundraisers for a really good cause” 

“I know” he sighs, “And I am so proud of you, and I wish I could be there, but I can’t. I told you, I would-” 

“Yeah, I heard your whole stupid monologue” She complains. “‘I will compromise with you on every single front but one’” She quotes her lover, in a mockery of Sunset’s voice. Sunset is silent for a long moment, and the quiet goes on so long even the video call cannot disguise the hurt in his eyes. 

“Don’t look like a kicked puppy” She pleads. “Our second date, you told me you were always going to put your mafia bullshit above all else '' She says, stepping out of the view to change her clothes. “Do you not hear how you sound?” She says, dejected. “You’re difficult to understand, Sunset. You are so loving and reasonable so much of the time, but. So obsessed with whatever stupid highblood criminal powergrab that constantly occupies your waking mind. You walk and talk like you’re so much better than that. And I wish you could be.” She rambles, hurt. She is well used to being disappointed by highbloods, and she does not think him any different. 

“That’s- not what’s happening here” He says, finally. “I’m not looking for power.” He says. 

“Are you?” She retorts. “Or do you just have a more convenient excuse than other clowns?” 

“Rollyn,” He pleads. 

“Prove me wrong,” She says. “Prove me wrong, Sunset, I beg of you. You’re better than this.” 

She is once again answered by silence. 

“Well?” She insists. 

“I can’t tell you why,” He says. “But you have deeply misunderstood the situation.” 

“Why can’t you tell me!” She snaps. “I tell you everything Sunset! I’m an open book! I put so much trust in you! You won’t put any in me?” She says, frustrated, pulling on her dress. 

“Rollyn, I…” He starts but can’t finish. 

“I took a leap of faith,” She says. “I took the leap of faith, as a mutant, into the arms of a rich highblood in a gang. I hoped so much you would prove my assumptions wrong.” 

“Can we wait?” He says, “To have this conversation in person?” 

“No,” She says. 

“On another night?” he tries. 

“No.” She retorts. 

“In a few hours?” He says quietly.

“It can’t wait” She huffs. 

“If I told you” He says carefully. “You’d understand.” 

“Then TELL ME!” She says, holding the phone close. 

He opens his mouth, and then closes it. 

“You can always wipe my memory if it goes wrong” She jokes, bitterly. 

“I would never do that to you unless you asked,” He says. “I promise.” 

“What are you afraid of?” She says. 

“A lot of things” he says, trying to dig up the words to explain, trying to drag a well kept secret out of an iron box. He had buried this so deep for his safety. It’s easy to say. It should be easy to say. Throw a couple words in a sentence, Sunset, you can do it. 

“I…” He starts. “You know my tattoos, on my chest?” He says. 

“The lines, and the arms?” She says, confused. 

“I got them to cover up surgical scars.” He admits. “I- was born a mutant. I had an extra pair of arms and pectorals, until a sweep ago, when I got them removed” He says. “So I could infiltrate the mafia, and take it down from the inside. I wiped the memory of how I used to be from everyone's mind. I- was not treated well… growing up on the streets, as a mutant. I was in a circus. I had a lot of hard jobs. It’s why I’m doing what I’m doing. It’s not just, stupid power bullshit, I promise. When I say ‘I get it’ I mean it, I really mean it Rollyn I do. But if I let my guard down about this Mafia thing for a second- if I missed a single spot in erasing everything I could of my past- I could be in real danger.” 

And now it is Rollyns turn to stand there in stunned silence, trying to process what she’s just heard. 

“You’re serious?” She says, running her hand through her hair.

“Yes, and I have proof if you need it- but also Rollyn- you just did that” He says, as she messes up the hair she had just spent a while styling. “Don’t touch it, you have the party, remember? I’m sorry. This was probably a bad time for this conversation. But in my defense, I tried to tell you that.” 

Rollyn’s wings droop a little, shamefully. 

“I’m sorry-” She says. “I didn’t think- I. Shit. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” He says. “I would have done the same in your situation.” 

“Shit” The supermodel says, her wings fluttering nervously as she tries to fix her hair. “Go to work! If you have to. Hang up. Stay safe. I love you.” She stutters. “I’m sorry” 

“I love you too,” He says. “It’s okay- I’m gonna be okay.” He reassures. “Look at me Rollyn. You’re gonna nail it” He says. 

“Yeah?” She replies. 

“Yeah. Goodbye” He says. “I love you” He repeats, and hangs up the phone. 

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“Really” She says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “No fancy restaurant?” 

“Aren’t you drowning in suitors who would treat you to fancy restaurants?” He teases. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m tired of it” She says, squeezing his hand, glancing down the street they’re walking down with trepidation. It feels so civilian, so exposed. Fears for her own safety turn restlessly in her pan, the mutant’s wings held close to their body.

He seems to pick up on the tension in her stance, giving Rollyn’s hand a squeeze. 

“You’re safe” he says, leaning over to kiss the woman’s forehead. “I promise.” And its a mark of the trust that had continued to grow between them since his confession, that Rollyn believes him. 

“I don’t think I’ve walked” She says, “More than like, a couple blocks, in ages” 

“Aren’t you glad I made you change out of those heels?” He jokes, and she shoulder checks him. 

“You have Rollyn Firlyn on your doorstep” She says. “I came all the way across town to see you- trolls would kill to take your place- and you took me grocery shopping?”

“I told you” He grins. “I have errands today. You can come over but we’re not doing anything fancy” He says, stepping into the laundromat.

“Sunset,” She says. “Aren't we both rich?” She continues. “I appreciate your down to alternia attitude but you can’t expect me to believe you can’t pay someone to do your laundry.” 

“You are just as beautiful to me in a laundromat,” He says. “As you are on the red carpet.” 

She crosses her arms. 

“This is just starting to feel like some kind of strange performance art” They say, “To domesticate me. Or prove I’m stuck up. Which is rich coming from you.” 

“I would be here” he says, “Whether you came over or not. I said I have errands tonight, and I meant it.” 

“You own over ten casinos” She says, Sunsets power in the mafia having grown exponentially since that fateful night Nycisn entrusted him with the pier. “And none of them have a laundry machine?” 

“That hard to believe I just like doing laundry?”He says, the tiniest bit of his tongue sticking out as it was prone to do. “You know- recreationally.”

“Who does laundry recreationally?” She teases. “That’s like taking aspirin for the thrill. Yes, darling, I find that hard to believe.” 

The man behind the laundromat counter is glancing at the couple in disbelief, as if he cannot believe a supermodel is just standing in his dime a dozen shop as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

“‘’xcuse me, m’am,” he says, “Are you the lady from that skincare commercial?” 

She turns, flashing him a smile, maybe relishing a bit in his surprise. 

“The one and only” She says. 

“Gosh” He says, sheepishly. “You’d think you’d have maids doing your laundry.” 

The woman lets out a loud bark of a laugh. 

“Ha! You’d think” She says, making eyes at her kismesis. 

“I brought her here” Sunset replies, rolling his eyes in answer, the ghost of a smile on his face. 

“Hey,” Says Rasley, the laundromat operator. “Are you famous too? You look familiar.” He says. 

“Only in some circles,” Sunset replies, looking away, rubbing his arm. 

“Don’t be so ominous,” Rollyn says, glancing between the two of them, trying to figure out what’s happening here. The machine finishes, and Sunset pulls his clothes from it. 

“Dunno what that’s s’pposed to mean” Rasley shrugs. “But I swear I’ve seen you before.” 

“I’ve come here before,” Sunset admits. “Sans Rollyn. To do laundry.” 

“Yeah, he’s a real laundry head,” Rollyn jokes. “Laundries recreationally.” 

“Never heard of somebody doin’ that before” Rasley says, fascinated. 

“I invented it” Sunset says, taking Rollyn’s hand in the one not currently holding his bag. “See you around” He promises, flashing a smile, before turning to exit. 

“Wait,” Rasley says, “I never got your name” He mutters, but the purpleblood does not answer. 

Rollyn walks in silence for a moment, before turning back to him. 

“So what was all that?” She says. 

“Hmm?” he replies, swinging the hand she’s holding. 

“You and the laundromat guy! What’s the deal” She teases. 

“There is no deal,” Sunset says. 

“You have a crush on him” She guesses, grinning, thinking she has it all figured out. “That’s why you do your laundry there!” 

Sunset's hand goes to his face. 

“AH!” Rollyn squeals girlishly, believing she’s hit the money. “Are you flustered? That’s so cute,"she says, charmed. 

“I do not,” Sunset says. 

“Yeah right” Rollyn grins, glancing back at the shop. “Big old country guy. He is cute, "she teases. “Want me to play wingwan???? I’m very good at it, "she says, flapping her wings jokingly. 

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Three months later, Rollyn lovingly dabs a small, stitched up wound on her kismesis’s shoulder. 

“Should we change the bandage color to match the dress” Sunset jokes. 

“Sunset!” Rollyn chides. 

“What! I want you to look good” He smiles, sticking out his tongue. 

“I don’t think they make medical gauze in different colors.” She dismisses. 

“They should,” He says. “For the stylishly injured” He jokes, wincing as she wraps the wound. 

“I just-” She sighs. “Sometimes disturbs me how flippant you are about this sort of thing.” 

“Babe,” he says. “It’s a couple inch wound. Barely five stitches.” 

“You got stabbed,” She says. 

“On the arm” he retorts. 

“I worry about you” She says, her brows furrowed as she seals the wrapping with medical tape. 

“I’m fine,” He says. “Sometimes you’ve got to lose a little to win a little,” He says. 

“Oh, so getting stabbed was part of the plan? That’s not better, "she sighs. 

“Gimme a month, I’ll be good as new” He says. “I’m sure no one at the premiere will even notice.” 

Rollyn looks over her work once, twice, and then sighs. 

“What is the plan, Sunset?” They say. 

“For… the premiere?” He says. “I dunno, I figured we’d smooze around enough for the press to get photos, and then dip and go get sushi or something.” 

“Not for the premiere,” She says. “I mean. The plan plan. The mother of all plans. The, I’m going to infiltrate the mafia and take it down from the inside plan," she says. 

“You’re really good at asking easy questions,” He says. “Right before parties.” 

“Sorry,” She says. “I know it’s- sensitive information. And can’t go into the wrong hands. And all I ever get to hear about it is vague asides and talk about Kokoro faking his death and Midas’s mirror demon and all the nonsense. But, can you just tell me one thing?” She says. 

He is silent for a moment. 

“Depends what thing” he says. 

“You know I love you, Sunset?” She says. “You mean the universe to me. I could live a thousand lifetimes and I’d want to fall in love with you everytime.” She says. “Can you promise me one thing?” 

“No fair” He jokes, his left arm gently touching his left arm in trepidation. “You can’t lead with that. What thing?” 

“Promise me,” She says. “You don’t lose more than you win on this one. Promise me- at the end of all of this- When, if, Midas dies- you’ll be okay.” She says. “Can you promise me you’ll be fine?” 

He does not meet her gaze. 

“There are a lot of variables at play here” He says, an answer that sounds as weak and pedantic in his mouth as it did in his head. 

“It’s your plan.” She says, reaching over and tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. “Can’t you pick where it ends?” 

“There is always an element of risk,” He sighs. “That is out of my control.” 

“Promise me,” She says. “That sacrificing yourself somehow is not part of the plan.” 

“I…” he trails off. “There's no way to do this without risk.” He repeats himself, lamely. 

“Promise me” She pleads. “You got stabbed, Sunset! You were lucky to get away with five stitches and you’re laughing like it's nothing!” They say, their voice cracking. “It hurts,” She says. “To see you care about yourself so little. Do you have any idea, how many sleepless days I’ve had, wondering if you’re out there getting shot or killed or discovered- promise me there's a light at the end of it all, promise me you’ll be okay” She pleads, covering her face. 

Sunset is silent for a moment, before sitting down, staring at the wall, and then back at her, and then back at the wall. 

“I can’t promise you that” He says. 

Rollyn struggles to ease her breathing. 

“You are in” She says. “Over your head.” 

“No, I’m not.” He says. “I know what I’m-” 

“It’s not too late to back out, Sunset!” She pleads. “Whatever he did to you. It’s not too late to change your mind and run”

He stares at her, unable to answer. 

“It is too late,” Sunset says, finally. 

“We could go to Gihyun,” Rollyn says. “We could ask her for help” 

“Rollyn,” He pleads. 

“We could run away together” She begs. “Take the biggest pile of mafia money they have- and run. Find a new city. Find a new life.” 

“I can't,” he says. 

“Why not!” 

“Tes Roven is my home,” He says. “I promised someone. I would see this through to the end. I would go down fighting.” 

“I don’t want to lose you” Rollyn chokes. Finally losing her battle to not cry. “This isn't fair.” She says. “You can’t make me care about you so much, and then care about yourself so little.” She sobs, “I know you have a friend who died” She says. 

Sunset freezes, suddenly, like a deer in the headlights, never having deliberately shared that information with her. 

She sighs. “That night you sent me your old private instagram post, to make fun of how you used to do your hair” She says, wiping her face. “I looked at the other photos on it. It’s full of photos of you and a girl. And then she just stops showing up in the photos. I noticed it was the same girl you have a picture of in your wallet. You’re not the only one who can play detective” She says. 

He is still staring at the wall, as if barely hearing what she’s saying at all. 

“Whoever she was. Is this really what she would have wanted?” She pleads. 

“Don’t talk about things you don’t know anything about” He warns, softly, gently. 

“You’re alive,” Rollyn says. “I’m alive. Can’t we both just be alive and in love and be fine, Sunset. I know you’re hurt. I’m sure she meant the world to you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I can’t keep watching you put yourself in danger.” 

He does not answer. 

“We could run,” She says, taking his hand. “We could both run.” 

“I can't,” he says. She knew he would say it. She keeps asking questions she already knows the answers too. She wanted so badly to believe she was wrong. 

“I can’t watch you get yourself killed” She says. 

“Then don’t” He says, and flinches as he hears the bitterness in his own voice. “I love you” he corrects. “But I said on our second date, and I meant it. I will compromise on every front. Every front. But one.” 

Rollyn stands up, wiping her face again, getting makeup on her hands. She fishes through a drawer in her closet for a cigarette, and lights it, like a woman about to dig her own grave. 

“You shouldn’t” Sunset says softly to his asthmatic kismesis. 

“Fuck you” she says, and inhales shakily. “You remember that first fight we had? Three months ago? On a phone call in this closet?” She says, sitting down in front of him. 

“Yeah?” He says, carefully. 

“When you told me you were a mutant for the first time” She says, wiping at her ruined mascara. She looks him dead in the eyes. 

“Wipe my memory of you” She orders. “Back to then” 

“What?” He stutters. 

“You said you wouldn’t do it unless I asked. Well I’m asking.” She says. 

“Rollyn,” he pleads. 

“I could not stand,” She says, her voice trembling. “To love you, and then lose you, Sunset Blinks.” She says, her voice layered over with rage and care and hurt and despair. “So make it so I never loved you at all. Back when you were an ordinary purpleblood, and this was a silly fling. Give us some silly reason to break up.” 

He opens his mouth, and then closes it. His shoulders sinking. 

“Okay” he says gently, taking her hands in his. “Are you sure there's nothing you want to keep?” He says. And she exhales, closing her eyes. 

“Remember that day we went to the aquarium?” She says, the ghost of a smile on her face. 

“Yeah?” He says, trying to keep steady. 

“And they had the wading pool with the stingrays, and-” She makes a noise half sob, half laugh. “And you walked right up to the edge- and one of them splashed you? Soaked your whole outfit.” She grins, and then it fades. She could list more things. She could list a thousand things. But she must not start now or she won't be able to stop. Or she’ll want to keep it all. 

He touches a hand to cup the side of her face, looking at Rollyn like he always does. Like she were a waterfall, or an open sky, or a range of mountains turning blue and purple as it fades into the horizon- like she is unfathomably beautiful and just out of reach. 

“I guess I could keep that” She sighs, leaning into his touch. 

“Okay” He says, his gaze lighting up a gentle, purple glow. “Open your eyes” 

She pauses, just a second.

“I love you,” She says, opening them.

“I love you too,” He says, “And I’m sorry”

[whole-wheat-trolls]

👀 alkerd did you write fanfiction about your then girlfriend and real life person rollyn aphrod when you were together

"i5 it too late to try the, nut5 or VVhateVer you called them?"

"a little..... it'5 complicated- VVell- no- i gue55 it I5 that 5imple but i-"

"i kneVV VVe VVere falling apart by then..... i ju5t- VVanted to pretend VVe VVeren't..... that both of u5 VVere 5till happy together," and she falls quiet for a minute, hoping to regain composure but bad memories linger longer.

"are YOU happy noVV at lea5t?!?!?" She bites back, ending her silence and turning away from you.

[byrdtrollsunoreversearchive]

I Should Make A New Pinned Post

Hiiii!!! I'm Robin/Nitza, I use he/she pronouns, please no they! I'm Armenian and Jewish. I like making little freaks and big woman <3 This is my blog for my silly little fantrolls. I recently moved from @byrdstrollsarchive due to tumblr glitches.

Rave reviews from my friends fantrolls-

Select is under construction but I'd be happy to summarize plots or characters for you if you just send me an ask!

I have autism and I really appreciate it when people communicate with me clearly and directly <3 at the same time, I am just very loud, enthusiastic and loyal by nature, and if you don't like those things about me, then you probably just don't like me and that's fine!

I'm known for a lot of tragedy around here, it's very cathartic to write for me as a survivor, but anything super serious will be tagged appropriately if you just want to stick around for the sillies.

Currently in a little character arc called Amnesia, the most recent drabbles of you can find here and here >:3c

Most Active Muses: Sunset, Rollyn, Lakrav, Habitt, and Aqunin

[byrdtrollsunoreversearchive]

Nyghte, if you were to write a diss track who would it be for

"Hmmmm!!!hehehe" she says. "(im not supposed to say my manager) (he doesnt want anyone to hear the mean songs I write about him)"

"Maybe.... hmm. That evil boyfriend of rollyns I keep hearing about lately? samosa?" She says, getting his name incredibly wrong, as absentminded as ever.

"Yeah... that'd show him for... whatever he did"

[byrdstrolls]

Send me more promptssss guys I wanna be pushed out of my comfort zone

[byrdstrolls]

got REALLY in my feelings writing Rollyn and Kendra lore but idk if anyone even remembers her...

[byrdstrolls]

5, 8, 15?

5. Most difficult thing about writing my current muse... I have so much schoolwork! I simply do not have a lot of time for it lately.

8. Have you ever thought about writing a novel- A couple years ago I got 75+ pages into a personal novel that was like shakespherian/ya fantasy with a ton of transgender characters. I have abandoned it because I think. A lot of my political ideas back then were not as nuanced as i'd like them to be. I might go back and edit it someday, or maybe write another one. I have also written a couple fanfiction of nearly novel length, one being one about my trolls in post napoleonic austria, and one thats a vampire au with rollyn that I put so much trauma in it somehow became 60 pages long and the most carthardic piece of fiction I've ever written.

15. I asked a friend what they thought the unifying theme among all my characters was and they said "trauma" and I guess that's nail on the head, really. I like to give a character a neutral trait and say "whats the worst way this could go wrong, what are the interpersonal extremes I could drag this" and the story tends to evolve from there.

also my characters tend to be short

[byrdstrolls]

Rollyn Intro

Your name is Rollyn Firlyn and PAUSE, RIGHT THERE!!!!! AT 1:32!!!! THAT’S YOU!!! THOSE ARE YOUR LEGS!!!! IN THAT DOVE SOAP COMMERCIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck anyone who told you that you would never make it after getting kicked off toddlers and tiaras when you were three.

You are known for this- Modelling! And having a lot of followers on instagrub, and trying to get starbucks to sponsor you, and dating celebrities, and liking taylor swift with the most pure, unabashed enthusiasm known to trollkind. You have a kismesis who is in over her head dating you, and a fashion line on shelves now.

Your life is “perfect” and “absolutely worth” the kind of grubhood you had to have to create it. 

ROLLYN IS NOW OPEN FOR ASKS--------------------->